Fulcrum
by TensaLeah
Summary: AU one shot. Gajeel doesn't wallow... but he often thought about her. Rated T because I'm not sure. R&R?


Gajeel sat on his bed staring blankly at the calendar that hung on the east wall of his rundown studio apartment.

12th of April. The date had been circled with a red marker and had a crude little doodle of a cake at the bottom, no doubt it was Juvia's doing.

As it often happened around this time of the year, a barrage of memories attacked his mind. Blue hair that always reminded him of the sky, a vivacious smile, vibrant hazel eyes… blood smeared on her pale face…he had never seen so much…

His eyes glazed over and he found himself wondering how such a little body could hold so much blood. His cold heart gave a painful lurch at the thought of her but his face remained passive, almost indifferent to the emotions. It was too common of an occurrence to throw him off now.

He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, a habit acquired 2 years ago from spending too many frustrating hours watching her comatose form on the hospital bed.

_It would start soon_, he thought and an agitated scowl pulled at his features immediately.

As if reading his mind, his phone began to vibrate in his pocket.

He fished it out and answered after exhaling slowly through his nose.

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday, my boy!" Makarov, his adoptive grandfather of sorts called cheerily.

"Thanks, old man." he said trying to keep the thickness away from his voice but he only sounded dull at best.

Makarov's throaty chuckle made his ear tingle in an uncomfortable way.

"Why so glum, son?" He asked "go out and celebrate with your friends! You only turn 23 once u know."

Gajeel was not in the mood for all his positivity. He just wanted to spend the day alone and away from people. Desperately wanting this conversation to end, instead of reminding him that he didn't have many friends to speak of and that he wasn't particularly fond of this day he settled for a simple, "okay."

There was a small pause on the other line before Makarov finally spoke up, "don't live in the past, Gajeel. Try to move on."

A sad smile pulled at his lips, "I know gramps."

_Easier said than done._

And that pretty much concluded their conversation.

He wasn't that close to his family anymore. Don't get him wrong, he love his younger sibling, Natsu and Wendy more than anything but often he didn't know what to say or do around them.

And that is exactly why he was going to leave his apartment before his sister or his only friends Juvia and Lily came busting through the door screaming 'happy birthday'.

Surely they would try to make him go out with them to do something 'fun', like they had done the year before. They said something about keeping busy so he would miss her much or think about her or specifically to not care that she died on this very had after being in a coma for a week. To which he had replied that he didn't miss her at all. It was a lie of course. Not a complete like but they would never understand if he told them. She was always with…in his mind.

After a quick shower and a bite to eat he decide to go somewhere no one would bother him, Magnolia University. He hadn't attended classes in 2 weeks now. Gajeel knew that if he was anyone other than himself going back now would have raised a lot of questions and brought a lot of unwanted attention. But he was Gajeel, to intimidating to approach and always moving in the shadows, so that won't be a problem.

he let his thoughts wander as he drove.

_Should I attend lectures or take a nap in the library? _

It wasn't a really difficult choice. The last 6 months he really let himself go and had no idea what classes would even have to attend.

_Library it is then_.

He was stopped at a red light when his eyes wandered to the right. Immediately catching sight of a couple on a motorbike and then he was with her again.

"_gajeeel!" she squealed in delight as the wind whipped against her cheek, ruffling up her already wild blue tresses. _

"_what?" he asked sounding annoyed but the tiny smile playing across his lips at the sound of her laughter gave away his affection for the tiny woman._

"_we should slow down." She said tightening her arms around his torso and butting her helmeted head against his back, "you don't have a helmet." She reminded _

_Gajeel only scoffed, "I don't need one. Even without a helmet I'm more sturdy then you'll ever hope to be."_

_She head butted him again, harder this time. _

_"hey! Watch it!" _

"_serves you right." She told him and he could clearly imagining her puffing her cheeks._

God, he loved her. so much. He still does though this love was now something that always weighted him down. He thought of her, thought about that day 2 weeks before his birthday. She had been so happy. She was always happy. Sometimes he thought about what he told her that day. He had been right of course and then he wouldn't think about it any more. He would try.

"_ga…jeel…" his shoulder was dislocated and his left foot felt as if it was on fire but he was fine._

_She wasn't. A thin trail of blood trickled from the corner of her mouth Her lower body had been crushed under the weight of the unturned car while had only minutes ago made impact with them._

_He could look peak inside to see if the fucker that hit them was alive or not but he didn't care. She was crying._

"_Gajeel" she whimper_

_He stared at her, his limbs going numb in fear. _She can't…_He was helpless. He didn't know what to do. Moving her was out of the question. He felt as if something was lodged in his throat and couldn't bring himself to speak._

_So he did the only thing he could think if. He lowered himself on to his elbows and pressed his forehead against hers. His shoulder screamed in protest but he didn't care. He griped her cold hand tightly in his shaking one told her once._

"_You're going to be okay. Here," he said squeezing her hand, "nothing is going to happen as long as I'm holding on to you. Do you understand?"_

_And she believed him. her frightened cries quieted some and she gave him a shaky nod._

"_help is on it's way." he told her vaguely aware of the shouting voices around them. _

he got comfortable on the floor once he arrived. He thought he was somewhere between Shakespeare and Robert Frost but wasn't really sure. He wasn't much of a reader, that had been her, but he picked up the first book he saw anyways, just for the sake of blending in.

He flipped to a random page and stared at it, turning a page every now and them.

If someone saw him here, they would have laughed at the sight of the burly man sitting on the floor with his back resting against a shelf and a tiny book in his hands but he didn't care.

They had spent a lot of their free time in this place. Sitting together in one corner or the other. Gajeel would often lie with his head on her lap while she read to him poetry about thing he couldn't comprehend.

Besides the smell of old paper always reminded him of how she really was, a sweet, loving, tiny bookworm with a heart of gold. He wished he had been able to retain her as such in his mind.

Maybe it was the guilt that had twisted the memory of her in such a way as to haunt him forever.

"Getting comfortable in your skin I see." Whispered an all too familiar voice and he didn't have to look up to know the she was smiling. Her voice hollow and her accusation was a silent shadow in her eyes. He never looked in her eyes.

His brows frowned but his demeanor otherwise remained the same.

"Gajeel." She sounded annoyed at first and then hurt, "why don't u look at me anymore?"

His breath hitched slightly at the pain in his chest but he did my best to ignore her, she wasn't real.

"I was hoping that if I ignore u long enough, you'd go away." He grumbled

"Oh, yeah? And how's that working out for you?" From the corner of his eyes he could see her smiling mischievously. Shrimp and her eccentric mood swings...

"I've been ignoring you for 2 years now and you're still here. So I guess it's not working very well." he let the book drop down to his lap but didn't look up.

"And what does that tell u, my strange attractor?"

His lips curled up into an amused smile but he quickly concealed it, "it tells me that you're as thickheaded and persistent at ever." When he finally looked up at her he was greeted by the twinkling brilliance of her hazel eyes and for once they were free of the blame they always held. She looked like his shrimp, "lev?"

"yeah?"…but she wasn't.

"Don't u have someone else to annoy?"

She tilted her head to the side and smiled sadly at him, "you're the only one who can see me remember?"


End file.
